Tuesday, March 30, 2010
This is a good starting point when making
This is the set of rules we use in our
The Four D's are defined as follows:
- Disobedience - may be outright refusal to comply, or a continual passive procrastination
- Disrespect - may be the tone in which she addresses him, or the words she uses
- Dishonesty - "little white lie" or big whopper, dishonesty erodes the trust between partners
- Dangerous - not following doctor's orders, reckless motoring, repeated careless use of a knife in the kitchen, etc
They said... You are Woman ...
Go out and conquer the world
They said - be strong
Don't betray your Sisters
You don't need a man
You are sufficient unto yourself
They said - be strong Don't
betray your Sisters
You don't need a man
You are sufficient unto yourself
They told me 'submissive' is wrong
that I need bow to no man
I lived that truth
Independent, Intelligent, Capable,
In Charge, In Control...
Until - a new truth
You told me - you are woman
...Go out and conquer the world
Then come home and sit at my feet
You said - come to me in strength and I will protect you
You said - kneel before me give
my your woman's body for my pleasure
and I will raise you from kneeling
...to heights you never imagined
You said - let me into those
...give me access
Trust Me with every part of you
...and I will treasure it all
You said - there are more truths
in this world,
...and revealed them to me
and because of you
...I am forever changed
10. A submissive is ready to serve 24/7
9. She is very protective
8.She knows how to negotiate
7. She is not afraid of being told
when she had done something wrong, most of the time she will tell on
6. She is faithful and honest
5. She will try her absolute best
4. She can take an ass whippin', walk away with a
smile, and will not hold a grudge.
3. If she gives a blow job,
she will proudly admit it and admit to swallowing too.
2. She is tolerant of all the many different lifestyles and people within them.
Number 1 Reason that a submissive is needed in the White House.
1.She will have one hell of an Inauguration Ball
Monday, March 29, 2010
Your wives are literally crying out for you to take what they have so lovingly and willingly offered to you; their submission, obedience and the power to make them accountable for their lack of positive contribution to YOUR household.
I would seem to be one of the lucky few, my dear husband relishes his position as the head of our home. He takes the responsibility so seriously that I can practically set my watch by his swiftness and consistency is exercising his authority. And at the end of the day, I sleep next to the man who makes me feel more secure, more grounded and more loved than I ever dared dream.
My heart breaks for the women I know who struggle with their demons, their self worth and question their value to their husbands. They are loving, patient women who NEED your strong leadership and guidance. Who crave the attention and security derived from being lovingly disciplined by the man they love, respect and trust above all others.
I can't speak for all DD wives, but I feel comfortable assuring you that the majority of us sweat blood trying to understand your struggle with DD.
WE know the responsibility of being the HOH can be overwhelming and daunting. WE know you have so much to juggle as the protector, provider, example and leader in your homes. We understand you are often pulled in opposing directions which can leave you stressed out, tired and unmotivated to assume the role of disciplinarian, much less take on what truly being an HOH encompasses within the scope of our day to day lives together.
We cry, question and lament our own actions and behaviors. We long to improve, correct and/or change that behavior. We TRY (I swear we do) to do it on our own but we CAN'T. We NEED you. Most of us were the ones who asked for DD to be incorporated into our marriages in the first place. We are willingly to submit, the pay-off for us is BIG but it's even bigger for you guys. Our unconditional respect and 24/7 commitment to making YOU happy and contented is what we are offering...please TAKE IT.
And if you can't, or don't want to, please tell us why.
We made a commitment to you when we married you, and you to us. If changes need to be made, make them. Or tell us how to make them. There's no "rule" that says the protocol, the routine or the manner in which you exercise your authority over us and our homes can't be altered, improved on or re-vised.
We know you love us. Don't question that. We know you want a harmonious, loving home that you look forward to coming home to. We know you want respectful, generous wives who revel in YOUR joy and contentment.
We know that you WANT us to feel loved. We know you want us to feel safe. We know that, if you could, you would give us the moon-gift wrapped.
We aren't asking for the moon, guys. What we want is so much easier to give; a strong leader, a committed disciplianarian and the happy, contented husband that is the natural result of that. It's the desire of our hearts. We WILL work for it. We'll do everything in our power to insure you never regret it. But we can't do it alone. WE NEED YOU.
It's not typically a male characteristic to sit down with yourselves and examine your own needs and desires. (You're so busy just managing our lives together). But, I'm begging you. If you are one of our husbands who are reluctant or passive about being the head of your household, if your one of our husbands who struggle with actually handing out discipline to us and with all the emotions and repercussions that encompasses, please think it through. Then TALK to us. Help us help you make our lives, our homes and our marriages the kind other people envy.
We want the same thing you do. We know you have the harder job in helping us get there and we so appreciate your desire to do it. We ARE sorry when we behave in a way that makes it appear pointlessly time-consuming. We WILL follow your example of consistency.
Hold us accountable. Insist that WE help you hold us accountable. I would even venture to say, there aren't many of us here who shouldn't be taken in hand by you at least once a week. You WILL see results if you are consistent in exercising your authority and thorough is making us accountable. Please believe me when I say, we would do it on own if we could. YOUR hand, YOUR authority, YOUR expectations is what we entered into this determined to submit to.
Talk to us, write it down , make a list or at least tell us you are aware of your reluctance and inconsistency and WANT to give us what you know we need and deserve but need to figure out how to do that. We'll wait, we're really patient. We just aren't mind-readers.
Oh how I love your loving hand
As it tenderly strokes my hair
It holds me so accountable
But is reasonable and fair
It guides me and protects me
With such tenderness and care
It gently holds me in position
For discipline to bare
With firmness from your loving hand
The redness I do wear
As I thank you for correction
And promise not to dare
Overstep the mark again
But be submissive sweet and rare
You smile at me knowingly
In the knowledge we both share
That soon I'll be across your knee
With pain once more to bare.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
First step... catch her.
Second step...hold on to her.
Third step... while holding on to her. Try to get to your cuffs/rope/ whatever you can get your hands on.
Fourth step... carry her to the bed
Fifth step... stop and try to catch your breath. (while still trying to hold on to her)
Sixth step... catch her again
Seventh step... threaten her with bodily harm if she doesn't stand still
Eighth step... catch her again.
Ninth step... threaten to gag her if she doesn't stop laughing.
Tenth step... drag her back to the bed
Eleventh step...secure her wiggling body
Twelfth step... choose your paddle/ crop/ flogger/ whatever is handy.
Thirteenth step...gag her to stop the giggling.
Fourteenth step...repeatedly smack her ass till she quits shaking with laughter.
Fifteenth step...continue spanking till she starts to moan.
Sixteenth step... give up. No matter what you do, you know she's enjoying the hell out of it. This isn't punishment, it's her way of making you please her.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Hairbrush: Hairbrush is one of the common, easily available and inexpensive spanking implements. The backside of the hairbrush is used for spanking. It is normally made of wood, but sometimes it could be made of plastic also. It can be used very effectively while the wife is placed OTK.
Wooden Ruler: Usually a wooden ruler is not as painful as a hairbrush or a wooden paddle because of its light weight. If a ruler is used for spanking, it should be held perfectly flat (at the point of impact), otherwise bruising could occur easily where the edge hits. It could be used while the wife is in OTK position.
Belt: The belt is commonly used for spanking in Latin America. With the belt there is a risk that it might warp around the waist and could hurt the front portion. To avoid this the belt should be double folded to get a better control. It does not leave bruises or welts.
Strap: Another implement which is quite convinient for spanking. Leather straps are thinner and shorter variations of the belt, and better designed for spanking.
Tawse : Tawse is a traditional implement for spanking in Scotland. It is like a strap but its flat surface is divided into two or more "tongues". They are said to be extremely painful and can also bruise a lot.
Birch: A birch rod (also known as a "birchrod" or simply a "birch") is a bundle of thin birch twigs bound together. Throughout written history up to the 19th century, the birch rod, next to various kinds of whips, was the most popular spanking implement in Europe. Birch rods are only painful if used on the bare skin. Even a thin layer of clothing absorbs much of their effect because the individual twigs are very thin and lightweight. The pain produced by this implement begins surprisingly mild but increases cumulatively with the number of strokes. Birching leaves a criss-cross of thin red lines on the skin. These look serious, but will usually disappear within a few hours - they are actually not half as bad as the bruises produced by a strap or cane. Birches (and some types of willow) are the only trees whose twigs are thin and flexible enough for this purpose. The rods should be prepared freshly (i.e. used on the same day they are cut from the tree). When they dry out, they become brittle, lose flexibility, and break easily. Soaking them in water will give them even more flexibility and reduce breaking. Also be warned that the room in which a birching was given will need cleaning of the broken-off twigs afterwards.
Cane: Cane is one of the most severe spanking implement. It is regarded as a traditional implement for spanking in Britain. It cannot be used while the wife is in OTK position. The wife has to bend over to receive the cane, as it stretches the skin and exposes more surface of the bottom available for the strokes of the cane to land. When the stroke of the cane lands on the bottom there would be a initial pain due to impact and after a few seconds the sting could be felt. Caning on bare bottom is stings a lot and usually leaves a mark on the skin. The thicker and heavier canes causes more bruising than the thinner and lighter ones. If anyone wants to use it, then the rattan cane, which is flexible, should be used. The bamboo canes is inflexible and it might split and cut the skin and should never be used. Usually a few strokes of cane has enough effect. It could be used for handing out a severe discipline quickly.
Riding Crop: Riding Crop is a stick-like striking implement with a small flap of leather (or leather-like) material at the tip. It is commonly used in horseback riding to gain a little speed in the saddle. The crop can be used on bare bottom for spanking in a number of ways that vary the intensity of the blows. With a flick of the wrist and an almost stationary arm it can produce a small slap to the skin. With the addition of even the slightest bit of arm movement it can produce a deep bruise. Riding Crop can be used for spanking to provide sharp stings.
The above mentioned implements are not the only implements that are used for spanking. Rather these are the most commonly used implements. There could be other implements which could be used effectively for spanking.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
When you discipline your wife, for either misbehavior or maintenance it is best to start slow and warm up her bottom, spanking her with less intensity and not going full force right out of the gate.
After a sufficient warm up you will be able to spank her with great intensity and a longer period of time, hence enforcing a proper punishment and the tears that are sure to flow.
Remember to take you time with the discipline, by spanking her longer you will find that the submission from her is greater than one done quick just to get it over with, By spanking her for a greater period of time also shows that you as her HOH take your responsibilities serious.
Most new HOH tend to start of thinking that by bringing her to tears they have accomplished the goal of LDD, this is not entirely true. If you spank with fast, hard swats you will cause her to cry, that is true, but you have failed to take into account what is truly needed. She needs and desires to submit to you and your decisions as her HOH, and by taking time to slow down the spanking and thoroughly punishing her she will find solace and be happier.
To make this a clearer to some, when you cook a steak, and use high heat to seer the top, and then try to eat it you will find the steak cold and unsatisfying, just like a woman might feel after a very brief but hard spanking. Yes she cried, but only out of pain and learned only pain from the spanking. But slowly warming her bottom up, you will be able to spank her longer.
The painful and longer spanking will allow her to submit to her HOH better, by humbling her, for it is not easy for any woman to lay passively across her HOH's lap and endure a thorough spanking that brings her to tears and submission.
The natural reaction is fight or flight when you feel pain, only by warming up and taking the spanking slow will you allow her to submit on her own to a very painful experience and help her to overcome the fight or flight syndrome. The warm up also allows her to feel love, odd in a way, but she realizes that the punishment and the tears are for her best, she can submit to are very painful spanking without trying to flee if you have done a proper job of warming her bottom up.
Warming her bottom up slowly will also less likely leave bruises even when you continue with harder swats during the discipline or punishment. While some bruising may take place, wide spread and deep bruising is unnecessary and completely avoidable, with the proper use of a warm up.
Warming up your wife's bottom is quite easy, start with lighter and steady even swats that will not overwhelm her are best. If you decide to use an implement rather than you hand pick one that is light weight and flexible, this will give you better control than a heavy one.
When starting with the hand, keep it relaxed, this will give lighter swat and help to ensure a proper warm up
The First Time by Kevin at Christian Domestic Discipline
And so the time had come. We had considered it. Discussed it. Debated it. Researched it. Prayed over it and finally agreed to it. And so in silence she undressed as I sat on the end of our bed.
She stood in front of me
Naked, vulnerable, questioning, searching and yet still trusting.
Her nakedness, her vulnerability, reached far beyond the clothes that she had dutifully discarded.
My respect for and attraction to her reached so far beyond the beautiful form she revealed to me.
Gently, nervously and yet oh so longingly I reached out to her, taking her by her wrist and silently I guided her closer to me so that she came to stand before me and yet so deep within my heart.
The man in me wanted so much simply to enter her, to cherish her, to experience her. The husband in me needed so much to nurture her, guide her, respond to her, to protect her.
Our eyes met and within our gaze so too did the oceans of questions that I knew flooded our minds. Questions that now found their voice only in the silent reflection each of us were having and the prayers that found voice only in our own individual heart-speak. .
"Am I doing the right thing?"
"How do I discipline her and yet love her at the same time?"
"What words do I use?"
"What if I can't go through with it?"
"How can I, who messes up so much myself, discipline her for messing up?"
"Will I irredeemably change the way she looks at me?"
"How can I who am suddenly feeling so nervous and unsure, show her the strength and assurance that I know she needs from me right now?"
"Lord, I need your strength and guidance."
And what of her? What of the questions I knew were swimming behind her searching gaze?
Is she asking…
"If she was doing the right thing?"
"How can some one discipline her and love her at the same time?"
"How she should react?"
"If she could actually go through with this?"
"Will this change the relationship we had with each other? The way she looked at me? The way she looked at herself?"
"If she was a child or a woman?"
"How can she put aside her fear and submit?"
Is she too asking the Lord for guidance and strength?
Is that guidance and strength meant to come to her through what I now do?
"You know we discussed this?" I asked her firmly but lovingly.
She said nothing and yet in this I knew she was saying yes.
"And you know that this is something we both agreed was what God would want from us both?" She nodded, "I know," she whispered her nerves spoken only through the gentleness of her response.
"I love you and want so much to help you fight your temper." I told her. "And I will do anything to help you be the woman, the mother, the wife you need and want to be and who God wants you to be."
Her trembling hand reached out and rested on my arm.
"And I will do anything to be the man, the father, the husband, God wants me to be." I added as I pulled her across my lap and held her gently but firmly as I guided her into position..
And so it had started, a new journey, a new loving, a new depth - a new beginning born out of the desire to be obedient, to cherish, to love, to nurture and to respond.
A new world born out of a heart felt loving and washed in the tears we both shed and shared that night.
For example, one of my friends, Liz, had a mountain of books to take out to her car, but it was a pretty hefty pile of books, and she was pregnant at the time. So I offered to carry her books for her to her car. Now, I'm not married to Liz, and I'm not trying to get into her good graces. It's quite simply what any gentleman would have done.
Chivalry is not something one does all the time. There are times to remain quiet. There are times to offer. There are times to insist. This is the skill of chivalry. Taken too far, chivalry is oppressive to a woman. The goal of chivalry isn't to act like someone's parent. However, taken too lightly, it's without any purpose. There are a series of give and takes, back and forths, that get laid out over the course of an interaction with a person. It can be something as subtle as staring at an empty water glass to something quite obvious as asking you directly to do something. I can't stress this enough: different situations call for different levels of chivalry. You cannot just follow all the rules of chivalry all the time.
If you are with a lady who similarly is knowledgeable on the arts of chivalry, she will leave you a string of hints or cues, and a series of 'thank you's for your efforts. She will also indicate when you have gone too far. I can't tell you much more than that. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a skill.
To put the rules of chivalry quite simply, it is treating every lady you meet like you would treat your own mother. If you do that much, you're doing pretty good, and the rest of this page is just flourish.
- Hold open every door - When you are accompanying a lady, you should open every door for her. If there are two sets of doors, you should hold open the first one, then move ahead to get the second set of doors as well. If you are with a lady who knows what you're doing, she'll wait for you. If there are other people behind her or in front of her, you should hold the door open for them as well. If there is any elderly people, you should also hold the door for them as well. As a general rule, you should hold the door open for everyone until another gentleman comes along, for whom you do not need to hold open the door.
- Car doors - You should open the car door for a lady and close it behind her. You should help her getting into and out of a car by offering your hand. This sounds trivial, but often, being in a skirt and in high heels can make getting in and out of a car quite an experience, so your help is functional as well. There's the 'test' that people talk about. If you let a girl into a car and she then unlocks your door for you, then she's a keeper. I'm sure you've heard it. Well, I wouldn't pay any credence to such a test.
- Her keys - A lady may give you the key to her home when your date is finished. This is not an invitation inside. She is giving you her keys so you can open her door for her. Let me repeat that. She is giving you her keys so you can open her door for her. If she wants you to come in, she will invite you in. And as long as I'm talking about it, you may not leave her doorstep until she excuses you. That is to say, she will enter her house, turn on her lights, put away her keys, and when she is satisfied with the status of her abode, she will either invite you in or say good night.
Sitting & standing
- Offering your seat - No matter where you are or who you are with, if you are seated and there is a lady (or elderly person) standing, you should offer your seat. If she refuses, you should offer more forcefully, so as to overcome a simple polite refusal. If then she still declines, you must respect her wishes. But you may periodically offer again, should she change her mind. Even if there are plenty of seats available, if a lady is standing, you should offer, seeing as she may be desirous of your seat for its cushion, view, whatever.
- When to stand - Anytime the lady that you are accompanying rises from her seat, you should stand too. You should remain standing until she is seated or until she leaves the table. If you are seated next to a lady, you should assume the duties that would be performed by a companion. Any time that the lady you are accompanying is standing, you should stand as well. Also, in small settings, such as a parlor or den, when a lady enters the room, all men should stand. In large settings, such as a ballroom or dining hall, this is not necessary.
- When to sit - You should seat yourself next to the lady that you accompany, unless you are on a date, where you may sit across. The lady should always be on your left. This goes out the window when your lady is the hostess of an event. When attending a concert or event, you should first inspect the seating and then allow the lady to proceed to the seats first, such that you are always the one closest to the aisle. In these situations, it is permissible to go against the 'on the left' wisdom.
- Seating a lady - As noted in the dining section, when seating a lady at a table, you open the chair to her, then push it till it gently brushes the backs of her legs. Then push the chair in as she sits. Every time she leaves the table, you must help her with her chair, and then help her back into the chair. If you have a choice of seats, you should ensure her the best possible lighting or view.
Escorting as a skill
- Carry things - You should always offer to carry any burdensome or heavy items for a lady. This includes suitcases, packages, books, bags, even purses, depending on the circumstance. This is especially true when a lady is dressed for a night on the town. Most women's fashion is deleteriously short on pockets. You should get used to the idea that your coat pockets will be full of random things she wishes to bring.
- Coats - You should always help a lady in and out of her coat. This is again functional. Often, with some dresses and some coats, getting into and out of a coat is very difficult. Think of when you go to the tailor, and he helps you put on a suit coat. Isn't that so much easier? And you're just wearing a dress shirt. Try that with a dress.
- Checking in - When you check your coats, you should take the coat from the lady you are accompanying, and take care of the checking coat process. You should also keep her claim ticket.
- A lady on your arm - You should offer a lady your left arm when walking. This is again functional. Walking long distances in heels is pretty impractical, and heels are not the most stable footwear. Always on your left. A word of caution. You should not offer a lady your arm unless your relationship is intimate. That is to say, this is the action of couples who are married, engaged, or have been together for some time. A lady on your arm implies a closeness of relationship that may be inappropriate in some settings. If a lady desires your arm, for functional purposes, offer, but if you are unsure of your relationship, you may consider refraining from offering.
- Never leave her side - You should not leave a lady you are accompanying unattended unless she excuses you. For example, if you are off to get her something to drink. Before, this meant that if a lady excused herself from a table, for example, to go to the bathroom, then she had to be escorted there. I don't think anyone would do this nowadays.
- Offer your hand - You should always offer your hand in assistance. This is true for when a lady is sitting or rising, but is also true figuratively. You should get her something to eat or drink (as the situation dictates) if she desires such, or other such accomodations.
- In her defense - Much like in the Middle Ages, it is upon you to keep your lady secure. However, this duty is more ceremonial than it is actual. No one expects you to kill anyone or slay a dragon. It's more like rescuing her from her nosy uncle with his prying questions. Keep in mind that while protecting your lady is noble, you should not be so vigilant that you act like an overbearing parent. A modern woman will let you know in subtle ways when she wants to be rescued, and when she would rather defend herself.
Out to dinner
- Sitting & standing revisited - All those sitting and standing rules apply especially when out to dinner.
- A good maitre d' makes life easy - One of the jobs of a maitre d' is to seat you, and part of this job is to lead a lady to the table, seat her appropriately, thus obviating your duty in this regard. In other regards, a maitre d' (short for maitre d'hotel, or master of the house) is the most important person in a restaurant that you will talk to. However, there aren't a lot of restaurants that have a maitre d,' but many have the much less important greeter or hostess. A greeter and a maitre d' are in no ways equivilent. Maitre d' is a profession. It'd be like saying that the bellhop and the concierge are the same in a hotel.
- There's no maitre d' - Okay, don't panic. Here's what you have to do. Your hostess or greeter will lead the both of you to your table. When you get there, assess the table. If the table is not satisfactory, it is your duty to say so. If the table is satisfactory, then the hostess/greeter will leave. This person will not seat the lady. Seating the lady is now your job. You should seat a lady properly. Part of this is giving her a seat away from traffic, with a pleasant view, or in light that is flattering (see how a maitre d' makes life easier?). You should help her with her chair, and then seat yourself. Most often, you will seat yourself opposite to your date. However, there are situations where you may wish to seat yourself to the side of your date.
- Napkins - When seated next to a lady, you should actually open her napkin for her. Open it on your right below the level of the table, then lay it across her lap, using only your right hand. You should not adjust it at all. Simply lay it in her lap. After this is done, you may open your own napkin. I should make a note that I have never done this, and I do not view this as an essential activity of a gentleman. It is included for completeness's sake.
- Ordering - I would be very careful about ordering for a lady. If a lady tells you what she wishes to order, then I would check with her that it is alright to give the waiter her order. If not, then the lady should give her own order, and be first. If you place the order for her, give the waiter her order first.
- The waitstaff - If anything goes awry with the meal, it is your job to bring this to the attention of the waitstaff. This is especially true if something is wrong with a lady's meal. An escorted lady should never engage the waitstaff to complain. In fact, if you should ever find yourself on a date with a lady of exceptional breeding, she may never engage the waitstaff at all, leaving all such matters to you. The waitstaff should be watching your table, and if you need help, a glance or eye contact should be sufficient. It should go without saying that if something goes terribly wrong, you should not be afraid to ask for the manager (Again, a maitre d' makes life easier...).
- An umbrella - Every gentleman should have an umbrella ready in case a lady should need it. The proper way to hold an umbrella for a lady is to hold it in your left and let her come to your arm. She should get the lion's share of the umbrella's coverage. If this means you get a little wet, you get a little wet. While outside in inclimate weather, you should have the umbrella over her at all times, such as when she's getting into a car, etc. This is why it's in your left. Because you'll be doing other chivalrous tasks with your right.
- A handkerchief or tissues - When I went to St. Bernard's, my mother would always check to make sure that I had tissues. This was true if I was sick, but it didn't matter. I always had to have tissues. It wasn't until 11 years later that I figured it out. The tissues weren't for me. Since then, I carry on me at all times a clean handkerchief and/or tissues. You should offer either to any lady requiring one. You should keep your handkerchief in a neat square to show that it is clean. If it's not clean, you really shouldn't offer.
- A lighter - You should never engage in any tobacco product when in mixed company. That includes chew, snuff, pipes, cigars, and of course cigarettes. That being said, a lady you are with may desire a cigarette. If you happen to smoke, it'd be polite to offer, but more than likely, you will have to light her cigarette (since most smokers carry their own cigarettes). There is a proper way to do this. You light your lighter about two feet from her face, cupping the flame with your other hand. Once it is lit, move the lighter (still cupping the flame) within four or five inches of the end of her cigarette, and allow her to move to the flame.
- Never kiss & tell - Discretion is the better part of valor.
- Stairs - These are a bit funny. Don't follow a woman up stairs. You may walk abreast or even ahead. To any woman who has ever worn a mini skirt, the reasons are obvious
- Start with your looks.
If you happen to have a husband who is paying less attention to you than you would like you have to ask yourself if it is in any way warranted. Take an honest look at yourself. Do you need to work on your weight? Do you need to work on your hair or nails? Do you dress in nice clothing, or run around in sweats?
It won't help to demand his attention. You need to begin on a program to improve your visibility. You are the woman he loves and married. Keep yourself up for the sake of your marriage.
- Use your mind.
Just because you are married and have made your family your number one priority (which it should be) is no reason to let yourself become too narrow in focus. Keep up on current affairs, have some outside interests, do some volunteer work, have some friends, or even take up a new hobby or sport.
- Don't analyze and reanalyze your relationship or force him to talk about it.
You've probably heard that one of the major differences in men and women is the amount of words we have to use up in conversation in a day. Most of us women not only have lots of words to use, but we love to use them to torture our husbands with heart-to-heart talks and questions about your relationship. We like to know what he's thinking and like to hear him avow his love for us. Big mistake. Work on yourself, be secure with yourself, gain your husband's attention, but talk to a friend if you need some deep conversation and he is not ready for it.
- Leave him alone.
This is sort of related to the above point. Men are more inward and at times they need to unwind and relax. If he's watching a game or reading the news, let him do it in peace. It's better to leave him uninterrupted than to annoy him and possibly feel rejected or unloved. This most likely is not the case. Get involved in your own activities and let him seek you out. The man is the pursuer and it works this way even for married couples.
- Don't be a nag.
Don't complain about the things your husband provides for you such as, the house, the income, the car, etc. Don't nag him about his friends. Quit complaining about jobs he needs to do around the house or yard. Instead of tearing him down, build up his confidence. Let him know how much you appreciate him and how happy you are. Sometimes these gripes are valid, but nagging is never the answer. Work on accepting him while making yourself the best you can be.
- Let him initiate romance.
Perhaps your husband isn't as romantic as you would like. He married you and you shouldn't expect him to have to prove it daily. He may bring you flowers and gifts, if so, be grateful. But again, the best advice is to work on yourself and remember, you reap what you sow. If you go out of your way to make his life sweet, you may benefit in the end.
- Don't be jealous.
Put your energy into being confident, fun and intelligent. Don't be clingy and worrying if he talks to another female. Jealousy is a flaw in your veneer. You need to have the attitude that your husband got quite a catch when he got you and that there are plenty of men who would be glad to have you.
- Take the high road with friends and family.
It is doubtful you will get along with every person in his sphere. You must let your noble character qualities shine in cases where you clash with his friends or family. Don't belittle yourself by criticizing them. A man wants a woman he can look up to as being a better person than himself. Don't waste your time on cattiness.
- Try to compromise.
What if you have opposite tastes and goals? You must be flexible and open-minded. Don't be stiff and rigid, but be ready to enjoy life with your man.
- Be quick to say you're sorry, preferably first.
Fighting is a part of married life at times, I'm sad to say, but there are fights and then there are fights. Don't be mean, spiteful, hold grudges, hang onto hurts, and stay angry. Don't let the sun set on your anger. Be the one to make up first.
- Be neat.
The authors tie this in to being sexy saying disorder - stockings hanging around, dirty clothes on the floor, papers strewn all over, dishes undone - is not sexy. Very true, but not the only reason. Disorder in the home shows disorder in the mind to my way of thinking. It hurts your progress and creativity. Besides, the home is your haven. You should strive to be successful in the area you operate best in.
- Be independent.
Dependency on a man is a distinctly feminine characteristic. Men love to know their women depend on them, however, you need to have a balance. Can your husband depend on you in a crisis? Does he know you have inner strength and spiritual fortitude? Does he know you will be there for him when he needs you? I think sometimes we confuse "independence" with "strength". Men do not want another man, they want a woman - a feminine woman at that. If you are too independent and don't need him, you may find one day, he realizes it.
- Have time out together.
Alone-time with your spouse is important and it's good to get out in a different atmosphere. Hire a sitter now and then.
- Lock the bedroom door.
This is an excellent practice in any home. Make it a habit to lock the door all the time and you will relieve yourself of any embarrassment you may feel if you only lock it at "certain times."
- Say things nicely.
You keep throwing water on your relationship if you speak with a sharp tongue, find fault, or use snippy answers. Especially, don't let little things bother you. It can be easy to do. Stresses and strains can build up and it's easy to take it out on those closest to you.
- Don't have exaggerated expectations.
When you have expectations, and they aren't met, it's always a let down. I have found it's better to expect little, then when you get more, you are pleasantly surprised. If he's working long hours, don't brood over your lack of attention. If he didn't pick the right gift for you, don't show disappointment. Learn to enjoy the simple things of life.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
it would not be as beneficial to me. I know that every couple
is different when it comes to punishment. We use alot of keeling and corner time
but for me crying during and after a spanking releases alot of built up tension.
I am spanked every morning after the kids go to school for maintance.
The morning ritual of laying over his knee helps me focus and reminds me
that it could be alot worse if I chose to make the wrong decisions.
I am thankful that I have a consistent HOH and he knows my needs
and can tell by my actions when I need a release.
I want to thank you all for stopping by and to ask that you please bare with me
I am learning all about this blogging thing. I will continue to add new stuff until I get it right.
I hope that you as readers will offer input and advice. Anything is helpful. Thanks...Rena
Some people would immediately dismiss this as childish and therefore inappropriate for an adult relationship, but I think it depends on exactly how it is used.
To begin with, it can be used before, during, or after a spanking, or it can be used as a disciplinary tool in its own right. Before a spanking, it might be used as a cooling off period and 'time-out' for both partners, and also to give the spankee time to reflect on her wrongdoing and increase her anticipation of what was to come. During a spanking, it might provide a break during which someone who channels all their control into fighting the pain of a spanking could finally find release and be able to cry. Afterwards, it serves to reinforce the reasons for the spanking and give pause for thought and recovery before rejoining the world.
As an alternative to spanking it can also serve in different ways. It may be that an HOH has repeatedly to deal with the same 'offence' and each time that happens, he has to interupt whatever he is doing to do so. If corner time is given in those circumstances, it means that the only time wasted is that of the 'miscreant' and it doesn't become a kind of punishment for the HOH also. Or perhaps something immediate but discreet is required because there are other people in the house.
Corner time also makes a good long distance tool because, provided there is sufficient trust in a relationship, it doesn't require the disciplinarian's physical presence. A set time, measured by some form of audible timer can be imposed, during which the 'sub' is required not to look around from the corner. Looking around once would mean that the corner time had to be started again from the beginning, and a second lapse would mean the same except that this time the 'sub' would be required to hold a piece of paper or coin in place with her nose.
Also part of the 'physchology' of corner time is mode of dress while there. To stand either naked or with panties around the ankles and skirt hitched up often increases the sense of vunerability and submission felt by the 'sub' and therefore reinforces the 'control' aspect of the relationship.
A variation on this, if your body doesn't allow for long term standing, is to sit in a chair facing the corner.
This is very similar to corner time, except that the subject is required to kneel either in the centre of a room, or in a corner, for a set period of time. Sometimes she is required to be naked when this happens which again is calculated to increase her sense of vunerability and submission.
Variations on this would be to scatter dried rice on the spot on which she will kneel, or to require her to hold books in her oustretched hands for part of the time.
Again, some people would dismiss this as being a discipline which belongs with childhood, but, in fact, it is something which can be used quite effectively to fit a 'crime'. If, for example, if a woman constantly forgets to do something she is supposed to, writing a 'reminder', like 'I must remember to...............' over and over can serve to jog her memory in the future.
Similarly, if a 'bad' behaviour is repeated regularly, lines might be used in proportion to the number of repetitions in order to try and prevent re-occurance.
For many people, especially those who do not enjoy writing, this can be extremely time consuming and tedious, and once again, any time wasted is wasted by the subject and not the HOH.
Essays / Explanations
This is similar to lines in some respects, except that it is up to the 'sub' to think about why she has done something and what she will do to avoid similar incidents in the future. From the point of view that it requires thought and consideration on the part of the sub, it is perhaps more constructive than lines, but, obviously, depending on whether the subject enjoys writing, it can be more, or less of a chore.
Some HOHs also require their women to include ways in which they feel the 'crime' should be punished.
In a 'punishment to fit the crime' respect, this is usually considered appropriate for bad language or disrespect.
There are several different ways to go about mouth soaping. Some people use liquid soap squirted directly into the mouth, others require a bar of soap to be held in the mouth, and others will soap up a wash cloth and literally wash out the mouth with it.
Sometimes the 'sub' has to hold the soap in her mouth for a while, as she stands in the corner, or even while being spanked. (use a bar of soap for this because liquid soap would be too easily swallowed). In other cases, she is allowed to spit the soap our but not to rinse the taste away.
A word of warning. Use a mild and preferably natural soap for this and never anything abrasive, deodorising or antibacterial. Even then, if the 'soapee' is inclined towards allergies or sensitive skin, test her reaction with a very small amount of soap before you consider putting her at risk. Finally, try to avoid causing her to swallow any soap, as this can cause serious problems.
Grounding/loss of privileges/early bed time
This can take many forms and can be made to fit the crime.
For example, if the crime is something like speeding, or not wearing a seatbelt, driving privileges can be revoked for a set period of time. If not paying bills or overspending is the problem, credit cards and cheque books can be taken away.
Alternatively, she can be banned from an activity or outing she enjoys, or restricted from reading, the computer, telephone and/or television for a time.
She might also be required to remain in the house or a particular room in the house except for essential outings and a set early bedtime could be enforced.
Extra tasks/chores or disliked activities
In this method, the subject might be given a list of chores to complete each day and be grounded from leisure activities until they were completed. She might also be given a particular chore she disliked, such as ironing or cleaning an oven or bathroom.
Allternatively, if she wasn't keen on exercising or walking for instance, she could be required to do this for a set time each day when she would rather be doing something else.
Monday, March 22, 2010
The power of a woman who submits to her manI believe that when a woman chooses to submit in a relationship, she does not become less. In fact, she becomes an equal component in a two-part relationship whose total power or energy has been increased beyond the sum of its parts. She is an equal component in terms of the magnitude of her contribution, just not the direction.
The man might feel empowered in the DD relationship; well, he is. But only as much as the woman allows him to be. The day she walks out, his positively charged alpha-energy is deflated. He's like a magnet with no iron to attract – so whatever power he might have had is irrelevant until he can find another pole with which to interact.
The woman's seemingly passive act of submission is, in a very Taoist sort of way, one of active creation. Simply put, she makes her man more powerful. His continued power depends on her continued submission. Personally, I regard someone with the ability to literally change me as being powerful.
Putting the relationship in this context, it only makes sense that a woman can and should be discriminating in how and when she exercises her power to create. The two organisms meet, notice they have opposite charges - thus there is attraction, so they make a conscious decision to tune their relationship. They position themselves in such a way as to maximize the total flow of energy.
It might serve some fantasy for some parties to think of the woman as some empty, mindless vessel, but the physical reality of the situation is that the woman remains responsible for her life. As such, of course she has the right to be cautious about with whom and in what manner she chooses to experience her relationships.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
- The masculine-feminine model, unlike the modern model, is based on the differences between men and women - specifically, the power aspects of masculinity and femininity. It recognizes the difference between what a man wants from a woman and what a woman wants from a man.
- The masculine-feminine model relationship is similar to the relationship between a male dominant and a female submissive in a D/s (dominant-submissive) relationship.
- the man
- The man makes it possible for the woman to express her femininity by taking responsibility for her
- The man
- makes the major decisions, after consulting with his woman
- provides the basic necessities - food, clothing, shelter, etc - for his family
- creates a structure - rules, routines, etc. - for his family
- protects her from the 'masculine domain' (the business world)
- protects his family from the dangers outside the home (including con artists)
- the woman
- the woman makes it possible for the man to express his masculinity by giving him the authority to carry out his responsibility for her
The kids are also home all day. So spankings happen at night and when everyone is asleep.
I am curious to know how other couples handle discipline with their young kids in the house.
The silent implements that we use tend to bite to much like the wire whip, you can not hear it but you CAN hear me. LOL. I have found that when he is really mad or needs to make a point he uses the cane. I just met the cane for the first time the other day and it was not fun.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Lets get started!